Fulham are on the cusp of promotion to the Premier League. So said, Gary Weaver before the start of last night’s game at Middlesbrough. Unfortunately, he renders any commentary completely unlistenable by virtue of a perverse set of pronunciations.

Fortunately, Tom Cairney was ruled out with a injury – which meant we were spared Weaver identifying the Scottish playmaker by the unbelievably irritating ‘Cuuurney’. I’ve never heard anyone else refer to one of the Championship’s most consistent performers in that way before, so you wonder how Weaver picked it up.

Some commentators add their own unique style to proceedings, but Weaver’s worst affliction comes when discussing Kenny Tete. So the news that Neco Willliams hadn’t travelled to Teesside due to personal reasons went down like a lead balloon. Tete is transformed to ‘tater’ or the magnificent crisp packets of a similar name for no discernible reason.

Fulham might now have long left in the Championship – but professionalism should dictate that the major rights holder strives to put things right.

UPDATE: As Tristan Poturicic has pointed out on Twitter, Weaver also pronounces Aleksandar Mitrovic’s first name as ‘‘Aleksandra’’ – which is particularly baffling, when the Serbian’s first name should be notice different to the English equivalent. You have to wonder whether he’s had a bet with someone at Sky.