It’s 6am. The 10 remaining candidates are asleep. The phone rings.
“Shahid Khan would like to see you at the Bentall Centre in Kingston-upon-Thames, the cars will be here in 30 minutes”. A female voice says with a matter of fact tone. They hang up.
Gary puts the phone down and relays the message loud enough to rouse his sleeping peers, “Guys we’re going to Kingston, the cars will be here in half an hour”.
After a frantic half an hour of hair dryers, ironing and the tying of ties, the ten candidates shuffle into cars for the 30 minute drive from Fulham to Kingston-upon-Thames. Talk between the candidates is all about Steve’s abrupt exit from the process last week. The remaining candidates no longer know what to expect from the process and some aren’t even sure they want to be there.
When they arrive at a deserted Bentall Centre, the candidates process to the eerily quiet beauty section of the Bentalls Department Store. They are greeted by the cold steely stares of Khan’s lieutenants Alistair and Mike.
In their two teams the candidates line up, nervously waiting for Shahid Khan’s arrival.
At that moment outside, a Teal and Black Jaguar rolls up. Out steps the imposing figure of trans-atlantic business icon Shahid Khan. He walks to the candidates.
“Good morning”
“Good morning Mr Khan”
“As you may or may not be aware, the male grooming industry is booming. For this week’s task I’d like you to devise, market and sell your own moustache product. Now, the teams are uneven after last week so Slavisa and Jimmy Floyd, you go and join Team Tactics, while Stuart, you go and join Team Tradition. I’ll see you in the boardroom in three days. Good luck”.
With that the task had been set and the search to see who will be Shahid Khan’s next Apprentice continues.
Love it! If only the real process was that rigourous…
The pantomime season has started really early this year – I’m waiting for Widow Twanky to be named next!
What a shower we have running our club – they must have known a week or two before Kit got the push that a new manager might be required yet ….rather like Christmas…..it sneaked up, we weren’t prepared, the good ones have gone (very publicly) and now we’re chasing around for someone that ‘will do’.
Wait for it……
‘Best comedy act in Town’ – Daily Express *****
‘Laugh a minute’ – Daily Mail *****
Etc